Getting Married at 19

***Disclaimer! None of this has been proofread or edited yet. I just wanted to try my hardest to get it posted by the end of the day. Also, the font sizes and colours keep changing and I honestly don't know what's up with it... Thanks for your understanding. :)***

Before I completely dive into everything I wanted to say in today's post' here’s a little background research I’ve found while reading blogs and papers on getting married young.

From some researchers at the University of Virginia who were working on a National Marriage Project;

“Culturally, young adults have increasingly come to see marriage as a ‘capstone’ rather than a ‘cornerstone’ — that is, something they do after they have all their other ducks in a row, rather than a foundation for launching into adulthood and parenthood.”

Then some quick facts that come up when you Google the average age of marriage in Canada:
-A 2011 Census shows that the average age for men to get married is 31, while the average age for women is 28.

-And the same is to be said for our American neighbours, no date on these stats, but the ages are 27 for women and 29 for men — a jump from the 1990 average marrying age of 23 for women and 26 for men.

Which leads us to today, where I’ll be following up with my previous post on 3 Comments on Being Married with:

3 Comments On Getting Married at 19.

1. We Get a Whole Life Together!

I remember being about 16 or so and someone told me that I shouldn't get married too soon and make sure I travel the world first.

I’ve got a friend who’s parents believe that you should spend X amount of years to ‘really get to know who you are’ before you commit to marriage.

Then there's other friends whose parents strongly hold to the fact that that you should get a degree, that you should establish a career, and be successful on your own before searching for a relationship.

It’s always that you should do this, or do that, and do this.

People are always full of their own opinions. Which is okay.
But it's not okay when people think that marriage snuffs out any potential you would have as a single person. Sorry, but I really don't appreciate or care for that opinion.

The way I look at it - why do all of those things above on your own when you can do it together!?!?!

Wouldn’t you much rather travel or struggle through school with someone you love, who makes life a bit more bearable, and who is there to support and encourage you through everything?

Neither of us have ever testified to being full-fledged adults. We were just 19 and 20 when we got married. We didn’t claim to be grown up and we also didn’t brag about knowing all the answers. We both knew and still know that we’ve got lots of growing up to do and it has been so fun getting to grow together. Physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally.

Being married hasn’t hindered me from growing in any of those categories. If anything, Will has helped and encouraged me to grow more than ever.

 “There's never a perfect time to get married, there's always going to be something going on, you just have to decide when you want to do it then figure it out.”

We've known each other since our mid-teens and, the Lord willing, will be together until the end of our lives. We get to stand by and support each other through every stage of life going forward from here. That's our reality and it sounds crazy even to me. But a good kind of crazy. And  I think we are so blessed and fortunate to have the chance we do. That we are able to grow up together and have so much time to be together. 

2. It’s Not Always Easy:

This world, age, generation, is tainted with some sort of glasses (they are definitely not rose-coloured ones) that hold to such a high standard and expectations of how we should live our lives.

Marriage is always going to be hard, and yes, it’s definitely much harder doing it in your 20s. Finances are always a big thing brought up in relationships. Yes, there's potential for less debt the younger you are, but there also is much less money in general due to the fact that we haven't been working for 10 years. Because Will and I are only 20 we're making less money than someone who's 40-something and a company CEO or manager. But that's just how life is. 

We don't necessarily have as much life experience as a couple getting married in their 30s would. Yes, it means we are still figuring new things out daily, but like I said in my first point, we get to figure all those sorts of things out together. 

I understand that being a teen wife isn’t the pathway for everyone, and I wouldn’t recommend it to everyone either. There are challenges and hardships in life no matter what road you choose to travel down. That being said, I do believe it’s important to be open, understanding, and willing to be accepting of how others live their lives.

Will and I have sought out our own version of happiness that made us content. We are happy. We didn't wait for everyone to agree with us or to approve of our choices. And frankly, we don’t really care if ‘other people’ disapprove of our lifestyle. Sure, we’re only human, and it hurts when people flat-out say we’ve made a stupid decision, but we don’t see it that way and would appreciate a little more Christ like respect.

3. Some Big Things We’ve Know Going Into Marriage and That We’ve Learned Along The Way:

Marriage is constant effort and a desire to always strive for what’s best for your marriage and for your partner above what you may want. It is self-sacrificing, communicating, forgiving, and always sticking together when things get rough.

We had support, and recognized that not all young couples do. 

As far as our family and people close to us were concerned, we had their acceptance, support, and help as we took the step into marriage and we continue to have that support system 3+ months in. Without all the love and support, things would for sure be much more difficult.
We definitely know people (not really people you’d call friends) who said some hurtful things. But maybe they just didn’t really understand. 

Important things to make note of going into any relationship.

• Forgive each other and learn to laugh.
• Will and I always make a point to give morning hugs and a kiss goodnight.
• Take the time to talk things out when they are still little things. It’s super easy for any little thing to get blown out of proportion and turn into a big thing.
• Understand (and actually, truly, really do) that the both of you are going to mess up.
• Things that are out of your control are going to become a mess and you just need to go with it.

Remember the Westminster Shorter Catechism where it says in QA 1. that man's primary  purpose on earth is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever (Psalm 86:9).

That should be our goal in all aspects of life. And especially when it comes to dating or marriage. We, as people, shouldn’t be in relationships considering the end goal for ourselves, but seeking to glorify God with those people and through such relationships.