As a long over due follow-up to my post 'Being a Mom at 20 (part 1)' I will be working on a three week series which will go over 3 cons to being a mom at the age of 20.
The three cons to being a mom at the age of 20 that I came up with can be quickly and easily put:
If you're looking for a quick answer 🠉There it is🠉
And yes, I understand that I had a birthday and am now 21, but I honestly wrote these posts back when I was 20 and I was waiting to post them during a month that I didn't have much going on, which never happened. Although I may be 21 these are just as relevant.
These points, as with just about everything I post, are specific to me and my situation. Not everyone will experience life the way I am and I don’t mean for these posts to blanket every young mom. What I say is all based on my own opinion and sometimes it’s not easy for me to share the unpleasant parts of my personal life. Please comment out of love and not hate. 😊
The three cons to being a mom at the age of 20 that I came up with can be quickly and easily put:
If you're looking for a quick answer 🠉There it is🠉
In today's post I share some of the difficult things I felt after Delilah's birth.
Perceptions. Anxiety and Loneliness:
Being a stay-at-home-mom at the age of 20 is tricky.
I’m young enough that the majority of people think I have no clue what I’m doing, but I’m old enough to be expected to figure it all out.
At least that’s how it feels to me.
And feelings are tricky. Especially right after you’ve had a baby and your poor body which for the past nine months has been working non-stop to grow a child, in a matter of minutes no longer is carrying that child. It’s practically a global crisis going on inside with all those extra hormones trying to figure out what to do with themselves.
Every momma is different, is in a different environment, and handles things differently.
The first few weeks after my daughter was born I felt so overwhelmed by everyone who was trying to be involved, give advice, and help fix things that weren’t broken.
A lot of people (and I mean TOO MANY people) who I’ve never talked to or had a relationship with, out of the blue, suddenly cared about my mental health and kept checking in on me to make sure I’d "Stay positive," "Battle those baby-blues," and "Ward off postpartum depression."
All of this just feed my anxiety.
Having so many people hunting me down to talk with me, inviting me places to get out of the house, and people who I barely knew asking me, "But how are you really doing?" really got to me.
The Square Peg in the Round Role
Having so many people hunting me down to talk with me, inviting me places to get out of the house, and people who I barely knew asking me, "But how are you really doing?" really got to me.
The Square Peg in the Round Role
I became so uneasy about who to allow into my personal bubble. I went through a rough couple of weeks were I didn't want to read texts in case it was an invite and I didn't want to go to the church nursery where I knew other moms would ask me how things were going.
Yet throughout all of the attention I felt lonely.
In my community of family, friends, and church family, 20 is a young age to want and plan to start a family. The majority of the moms at church are two or more handfuls of years older than me. None (except for one who lives 12hrs away) of my friends are having kids or even thinking about it. Most of my friends are in school or working full time jobs. I didn’t feel like I had anyone I could call in the middle of the day to meet up with.
I didn't feel like I fit in.
I felt like I couldn't fit in.
Couldn't because people my age weren't married with kids, and those who were married with kids were much older than me. Instead of putting myself in a possibly-temporary-uncomfortable-situation and risk giving people the time of day to think anything judgy towards me, instead, I just closed the door. Physically, socially, and emotionally.
This can be true for moms of any age, but I believe it's harder for a younger mom - especially in my church community - to feel included when no one else around seems to be going through what you are.
I didn't feel like I fit in.
I felt like I couldn't fit in.
Couldn't because people my age weren't married with kids, and those who were married with kids were much older than me. Instead of putting myself in a possibly-temporary-uncomfortable-situation and risk giving people the time of day to think anything judgy towards me, instead, I just closed the door. Physically, socially, and emotionally.
This can be true for moms of any age, but I believe it's harder for a younger mom - especially in my church community - to feel included when no one else around seems to be going through what you are.
It wasn't until the middle of April that I finally admitted to someone that some days, weeks, and even months, can feel real lonely. I then also acknowledged the fact that I wasn’t helping myself much either. If I went out I’d feel anxious, but if I stayed home I felt lonely.
Looking Forward
Looking Forward
I’m working on it. Being more involved, but at a pace I am comfortable with. I wish I had an easy solution to these sorts of things but I don't. I'm learning patience and emotional stability.
Today I'm in a better place and able to name my emotions much better. I do a much better job at not worrying about what other people think of me, but a hurtful comment still outweighs one hundred positive ones. Comments from other people can be down right crude, especially from family or friends who think that for some reason it's okay to stay completely uncalled for things because they know us so well.
News Flash: It's not.
Having support from my husband and family, a place to feel safe, and a safe place to be allowed to feel has helped me calm my anxiety.
News Flash: It's not.
Having support from my husband and family, a place to feel safe, and a safe place to be allowed to feel has helped me calm my anxiety.
Finding a cure to the emptiness that I feel in a corner of my heart has been the most difficult. I'm a social person and I thrive off of healthy relationships. My school friends seem to be drifting away and I still feel very out of place in the church that I joined almost 4 years ago. I am learning to stop thinking about what other people see in me. I'm learning that I will never be able to find my self-worth from other people.
It can be hard to know what feelings are valid and which I may be overthinking.
Never, not even for a moment, would I ever trade being a mom for feeling like I fit in. Please don't think otherwise. This is all just a speed bump along the way. And that's okay.
I am living my dream, and I am happy. Truly happy.
It can be hard to know what feelings are valid and which I may be overthinking.
Never, not even for a moment, would I ever trade being a mom for feeling like I fit in. Please don't think otherwise. This is all just a speed bump along the way. And that's okay.
I am living my dream, and I am happy. Truly happy.
In conclusion, I'm not the same mom I was four months ago, and I won't be the same mom in the upcoming four months. Young motherhood will always have its challenges and those challenges will be different for every person in their own unique way. Some challenges that have affected me emotionally have been anxiety, loneliness, and how I think other people view me. Some of those things get better with time, some might not.
But that's okay.
I'm doing the best I can with where I am and what I've got!
"When you're in a dark place, you sometimes tend to think you've been buried.
Perhaps you were not buried, but planted.
It's time to bloom!"
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